Posted by Suzanne Lilly
Twitter @suzannelilly
This week I read an article Amy Copperman wrote for the online magazine Divine Caroline, called "The Perfect Man." In it, she lays out a grocery list of qualities The Perfect Man should have, according to recent research by Austin Reed. It’s even laid out in a handy format which you can print out and take with you to the grocery store. Or laundromat. Or wherever you might hope to meet this elusive man.
This led me to…
Click on the Austin Reed link, thinking I was going to see the details of a weak research study. Instead, I ended up on the Austin Reed menswear webpage. It’s full of suits the previously described Perfect Man would wear, modeled by similar Perfect Men.
Which led me to…
My own research project on Google to find out how many people use the search term “The Perfect Man,” as opposed to “The Perfect Woman” or “The Perfect Date.”
This revealed…
“The Perfect Man” beat out the other search terms by 16 to1. Stay with me, this story is going somewhere.
This led me to wonder…
Which search terms might beat out “The Perfect Man?” Perhaps “chocolate?” I added “chocolate” to the search. It beat “The Perfect Man,” 60 to 1. Yipes! Are more women searching for chocolate than are searching for men? Could that be a question for the Would You Rather game?
This offhand thought led me to…
Entering the search term “Audi,” because according to Ms. Copperman’s article, The Perfect Man drives an Audi.
Sure enough, “Audi” beat out “The Perfect Man” 80 to 1. Loosely translated, women are 80 times more interested in a man’s Audi, and 60 times more interested in how much chocolate it can hold in the trunk, than they are in the man himself.
I know, it's silly, right?
Advice to men, according to Ms. Copperman’s article, is that you can’t go wrong if you drive an Audi, dress in a sharp suit, drink beer, and enjoy watching soaps. Then I clicked on an article link in the Google search results.
Which led me to…
Isaiah Mustafa, the Old Spice Man. He rides a horse or drives a motorcycle in the commercials and doesn't drive an Audi. He doesn’t wear suits. I’m pretty sure he’s not drinking beer while he watches soaps. All that research was for naught, because we all know how Isaiah Mustafa made sales of Old Spice skyrocket.
Let’s face it, there is no Perfect Man, unless he’s Your Perfect Man, aka Mr. Right. He comes in all sizes, shapes, and sensibilities, no matter what the Austin Reed study says. There’s only one thing that’s almost certain to attract women.
Chocolate.
My perfect man drives a Ford F-150 pickup truck. And that, dear friends, holds a lot more chocolate than a puny Audi trunk!
ReplyDeleteYou are soooo right, Cheryl! Trucks rule!
ReplyDeleteAwesome post! You had me rolling on the floor. I love the Old Spice Man! My perfect man doesn't love chocolate, which means he never steals my chocolate. See? Perfect.
ReplyDeleteThe Perfect Man cooks supper, washes the clothes, pays the bills, kills the giant spiders and always knows which wine goes with what. He lives down the street and what do you know? He drives an Audi!
ReplyDeleteBut the man who lives in MY house is okay, too. ;-)
Vicki, that is perfect! You get ALL the chocolate.
ReplyDeleteCathy, there's nothing more adorable than a guy vacuuming the living room, right? My guy does that from time to time. :-)
Lol, great post. My man drives a Peugeot 607, and he vacuums and even though he keeps telling me he does not like sweets, he eats my chocolate muffins and my "mergpijpjes". I have forbidden him to do the laundry though.
ReplyDeleteHahaha! No laundry for you, man! Okay, now you must tell...what are "mergpijpjes?"
ReplyDeleteWell, you can google the word, and look at the pictures. And I do mean the cake thingy, not the bone used to make soup. https://www.google.nl/search?q=mergpijpjes&hl=nl&safe=off&prmd=imvnse&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=LPjNT-SgE8qr8AOkjqWyDA&sqi=2&ved=0CFwQsAQ&biw=1335&bih=663
ReplyDeleteThe inside is two slices of normal cake, in between is a layer of a white sweet substance, and some red jam. That white substance (really, no idea what it is, but it is good!) is also on the outside of the cake. Then the whole thing is wrapped in marzepain (spelling?) and the ends are dipped in chocolate. And it is soooo good! I buy the large ones by a bakery in the marketplace, not in a supermarket. I know they are expensive and addictive but I love them. And unfortunately, so does my boyfriend.
Omigoodness! They look so delicious! Why has this been a secret from me for all these years? If I ever make it to your part of the world, I'm going to a bakery to get some of those!
ReplyDelete